Sunday, December 30, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
custody of the child
Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.
The problem: who should get custody of the child????
Wife jumped up and said: “Your Honour! I brought the child into this world with pain and labour so it should be in my custody.”
The judge turns to Husband and says “What do you have to say in your defence?”
The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.
“Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it? the machine’s or mine?”
Yeh sunke…Wife replied : “Judge sahab…bartan mera…doodh bhi mera…aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 boond daalne se dahi bana to fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do boond daalne wale ka”
Husband replied : “Typewriter mein kagaz Maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat Maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?”
Frustrated Judge (getting mad): “Abay saale agar Tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati.”
Frustrated Judge (getting mad): “Abay saale agar Tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati.”
Frustrations of a Married Man
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a
loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his
usual jeans and t-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large,
silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately went
crazy.
He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted
and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously very excited by
the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested
that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and
wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got extremely
excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall to
show a little more skin. She did … and the gorilla was about to tear the
bars down!
“Now, show your legs by pulling your dress up,” he said. This drove the
gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips and
charging the bars!
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung
her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and said, “Now, tell
him you have a headache AND U ARE NOT IN THE MOOD NOW
loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his
usual jeans and t-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large,
silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately went
crazy.
He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted
and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously very excited by
the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested
that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and
wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got extremely
excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall to
show a little more skin. She did … and the gorilla was about to tear the
bars down!
“Now, show your legs by pulling your dress up,” he said. This drove the
gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips and
charging the bars!
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung
her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and said, “Now, tell
him you have a headache AND U ARE NOT IN THE MOOD NOW
Just for Laughs ...
Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy....
New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
A wise man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy....
New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
A wise man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Different Colours
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young man walked up and sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair in different colours; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him.
The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a Parrot.
I was just wondering if you were my son."
A young man walked up and sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair in different colours; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him.
The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a Parrot.
I was just wondering if you were my son."
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