Sunday, December 30, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
custody of the child
Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.
The problem: who should get custody of the child????
Wife jumped up and said: “Your Honour! I brought the child into this world with pain and labour so it should be in my custody.”
The judge turns to Husband and says “What do you have to say in your defence?”
The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.
“Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it? the machine’s or mine?”
Yeh sunke…Wife replied : “Judge sahab…bartan mera…doodh bhi mera…aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 boond daalne se dahi bana to fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do boond daalne wale ka”
Husband replied : “Typewriter mein kagaz Maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat Maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?”
Frustrated Judge (getting mad): “Abay saale agar Tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati.”
Frustrated Judge (getting mad): “Abay saale agar Tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati.”
Frustrations of a Married Man
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a
loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his
usual jeans and t-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large,
silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately went
crazy.
He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted
and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously very excited by
the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested
that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and
wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got extremely
excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall to
show a little more skin. She did … and the gorilla was about to tear the
bars down!
“Now, show your legs by pulling your dress up,” he said. This drove the
gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips and
charging the bars!
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung
her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and said, “Now, tell
him you have a headache AND U ARE NOT IN THE MOOD NOW
loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his
usual jeans and t-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large,
silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately went
crazy.
He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted
and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously very excited by
the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested
that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and
wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got extremely
excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall to
show a little more skin. She did … and the gorilla was about to tear the
bars down!
“Now, show your legs by pulling your dress up,” he said. This drove the
gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips and
charging the bars!
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung
her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and said, “Now, tell
him you have a headache AND U ARE NOT IN THE MOOD NOW
Just for Laughs ...
Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy....
New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
A wise man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy....
New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
A wise man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Different Colours
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young man walked up and sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair in different colours; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him.
The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a Parrot.
I was just wondering if you were my son."
A young man walked up and sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair in different colours; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him.
The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a Parrot.
I was just wondering if you were my son."
A helluva Headache
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older,
he was increasingly hampered by excruciatingly painful headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he
sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to
another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
The doctor said, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The
good news is that I can cure your headaches, the bad news is
that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition
which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your
spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only
way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was, of course, both shocked and depressed. He indeed
wondered if he even had anything to live for after castration.
Yet, he immediately decided he had no choice but to go under
the knife; his headaches just had to cease.
When he left the hospital his mind was at long last clear, but
naturally he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he felt like an entirely different
person.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "I'll buy a new
suit. Maybe that will cheer me up!"
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "Yeah, that's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job to know," said the salesman. Joe tried on the suit,
and it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Okay, sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve, and...
16 neck."
Joe was once again surprised, "That's exactly right.
How did you know?"
"It's my job to know," said the salesman, very matter of factly.
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll by this point and said, "Well, sure..."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9...wide."
Joe was astonished, "That's right again...how did you know?"
"It's my job to know," said the salesman. Joe tried on the shoes
and they fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
"So, how about a new hat?"
Without hesitation, Joe said, "Yeah, go for it."
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see, I'd say 7 5/8."
Joe was incredulous. "That's right. Man, how can you tell all of
this?"
"It's my job to know," reiterated the salesman. The hat fit perfectly.
Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?"
Joe hesitated for a second and said, "Sure..."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said,
"Let's see...size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "No, no, you can't wear a size 34.
It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
and give you one hell of a headache!"
he was increasingly hampered by excruciatingly painful headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he
sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to
another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
The doctor said, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The
good news is that I can cure your headaches, the bad news is
that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition
which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your
spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only
way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was, of course, both shocked and depressed. He indeed
wondered if he even had anything to live for after castration.
Yet, he immediately decided he had no choice but to go under
the knife; his headaches just had to cease.
When he left the hospital his mind was at long last clear, but
naturally he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he felt like an entirely different
person.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "I'll buy a new
suit. Maybe that will cheer me up!"
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "Yeah, that's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job to know," said the salesman. Joe tried on the suit,
and it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Okay, sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve, and...
16 neck."
Joe was once again surprised, "That's exactly right.
How did you know?"
"It's my job to know," said the salesman, very matter of factly.
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll by this point and said, "Well, sure..."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9...wide."
Joe was astonished, "That's right again...how did you know?"
"It's my job to know," said the salesman. Joe tried on the shoes
and they fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
"So, how about a new hat?"
Without hesitation, Joe said, "Yeah, go for it."
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see, I'd say 7 5/8."
Joe was incredulous. "That's right. Man, how can you tell all of
this?"
"It's my job to know," reiterated the salesman. The hat fit perfectly.
Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?"
Joe hesitated for a second and said, "Sure..."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said,
"Let's see...size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "No, no, you can't wear a size 34.
It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
and give you one hell of a headache!"
Belief
The attractive young thing was about to go to bed with her blind date when she burst into tears.
'I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me,' she said between sobs. 'I'm really not that kind of girl!'
'I believe ya,' her date said, as he tried to comfort her.
'You're the first one,' she gulped.
'The first one to make love to you?' he asked.
'No!' she replied. 'The first one to believe me.
'I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me,' she said between sobs. 'I'm really not that kind of girl!'
'I believe ya,' her date said, as he tried to comfort her.
'You're the first one,' she gulped.
'The first one to make love to you?' he asked.
'No!' she replied. 'The first one to believe me.
Don't ring your vet in the middle of the night
An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after and house her neighbor’s dog whilst the neighbors went on their holidays.
The only problem was that the spinsters own dog was a bitch that was on 'heat' and the neighbor’s dog was a male.
Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.
As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep the spinster was suddenly awakened by an awful howling and moaning sounds from downstairs.
She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating, yhe dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage.
Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.
Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet and after a few rings a rather grumpy voice of the vet answered the phone.
The spinster explained the problem.
The vet said. "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them.
I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch"
"Oh" Said the spinster. "Do you think that will work?"
"Well" The vet replied "IT JUST WORKED ON ME!!!" :'(
The only problem was that the spinsters own dog was a bitch that was on 'heat' and the neighbor’s dog was a male.
Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.
As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep the spinster was suddenly awakened by an awful howling and moaning sounds from downstairs.
She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating, yhe dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage.
Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.
Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet and after a few rings a rather grumpy voice of the vet answered the phone.
The spinster explained the problem.
The vet said. "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them.
I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch"
"Oh" Said the spinster. "Do you think that will work?"
"Well" The vet replied "IT JUST WORKED ON ME!!!" :'(
Feeling lonely
A man checks into his hotel on a business trip and, feeling a bit lonely, he thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths
when you're calling for a cab.
He looked in a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Eroveronique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!
He copied the phone number and returned to his hotelm when back in the room he figures, what the heck, give her a call.
'Hello,' the woman says......... God, she sounded sexy.
'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you.
I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.
Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?'
She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.
when you're calling for a cab.
He looked in a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Eroveronique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!
He copied the phone number and returned to his hotelm when back in the room he figures, what the heck, give her a call.
'Hello,' the woman says......... God, she sounded sexy.
'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you.
I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.
Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?'
She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.
Differences of age, between men and women
The GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
Sensual Massage
The Italian says, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes."
The Frenchman says, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."
The Bengali says, That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with Ghee. I caressed her entire body, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal! How did you make her scream for two hours?"
The Bengali replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains...!"
The Frenchman says, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."
The Bengali says, That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with Ghee. I caressed her entire body, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal! How did you make her scream for two hours?"
The Bengali replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains...!"
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
How to Know If U're In Love, In Lust, Or Really Married?
LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.
LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.
LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
College professors describe a kiss!
*COMPUTER SCIENCE*
"A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte."
*ALGEBRA*
"A kiss is two divided by nothing."
*PHYSICS*
"A kiss is a contraction of the mouth due to an expansion of the heart."
*CHEMISTRY*
"A kiss is the reaction resulting from the interaction between two hearts."
*ACCOUNTING*
"A kiss must be considered an investment that is profitable when returned."
*ECONOMICS*
"A kiss is one of those things for which the demand is always higher than
the supply."
*PHILOSOPHY*
"A kiss is persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth, and homage for
the old."
*THEOLOGY*
"A kiss is divine."
*EARTH SCIENCES*
"A kiss is a clean, green, renewable energy resource that works best when
recycled often."
*PHARMACOLOGY*
"A kiss is an oral stimulant taken by mouth that can often cure what ails
you."
*LAW*
"A kiss is when the party of the first part and the party of the second
part have reached a mutually beneficial understanding that two (2) pair of
lips shall co-exist in, for all practical purposes, the same space and time
for a temporary period."
*POLITICAL SCIENCE*
"A kiss is that which will cost your career if experienced with anyone
other than your spouse."
*ENGINEERING*
"I'm sorry. I'm not familiar with that word."
Monday, April 30, 2012
Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel ...
Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel !!
Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer : "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer : "white"
Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question : "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer : "With cow milk please.
Question : " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer : " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer : "Cane sugar "
Question :" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer : "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer : "I'll rather die of thirst
Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer : "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer : "white"
Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question : "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer : "With cow milk please.
Question : " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer : " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer : "Cane sugar "
Question :" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer : "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer : "I'll rather die of thirst
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
LOVE YOUR MOTHER
M = Motivater
O = Only One
T = True LOVE
H = Heartiest
E = Exceptional
R = Responsible
LOVE YOUR MOTHER
O = Only One
T = True LOVE
H = Heartiest
E = Exceptional
R = Responsible
LOVE YOUR MOTHER
Six Golden Rules
Six golden Rules for F***ing.....
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing dont eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.
So, Remember ...
FASTING is good for your health. May God cleanse your Dirty Mind !!!
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing dont eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.
So, Remember ...
FASTING is good for your health. May God cleanse your Dirty Mind !!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
A WISE PRISONER
An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply: "For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the money!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply: "For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the money!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."
DON'T DO BAD THINGS IN FRONT OF KIDS
A mother and a father were debating on who is the most coward between them, after a long debate they decided to ask their two kids who they think was the most coward in the house hold.
The first one says," Dad is the most coward one, he`s scared of women. Whenever he sees a beautiful lady in town he closes his one eye."
The second kid goes," That's nuttin, Mom is so scared to sleep alone, when Dad works nightshift, Mom sleeps with the man next door. Sometimes she invites the gardener to sleep with her".
The Word Fuck!
The Word Fuck
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Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
•It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
•It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
•It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
•It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...
Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
Disgust "Fuck me."
Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
Despair "Fucked again..."
Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
Lost "Where the fuck are we."
Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"
Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
Directions "Fuck off."
Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"
It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking *******."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."
It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...
"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn
"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle
"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher
"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo
"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Unlucky moments!
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| unlucky moment : girl! |
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| unlucky moment : car |
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| unlucky moment : my god! |
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| unlucky moments |
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| unlucky moment : oh! no! |
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| unlucky moments : is it real? |
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| unlucky moments : what's it? |
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| unlucky moment : freezebi! |
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| unlucky moment : cih! |
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| unlucky moment : no! |
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
This happens everyone....
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| no...no... she is mine! dont look at her! |
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| This happens to every Guy, At least once in a lifetime |
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| spank prank |
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| if women ruled the world |
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| kill me |
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| love |
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| put be down, otherwise i'll bite... |
Monday, February 6, 2012
Edible Stadium!
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| Edible Stadium |
Funny Pictures 1
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| funny picture : I will cut you! |
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| Funny Picture : Let us see! |
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| Funny Picture : Child |
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| Funny Picture : I am a doctor! |
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| Funny Picture : Forever alone! |
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| Funny Picture : woo woo woo! |
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| Funny Picture : We'll eat like kings |
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| Funny Pictures : See anything? |
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| Funny Picture : Big Tits |
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